Give up
by Lioneh
Summary: 93/100: 'Give Up'. Zack Fair hadn’t budged an inch, the young SOLDIER had been fearing the worst - Genesis, he was going to kill himself, wasn’t he? Angst. No pairings. 100% free of yaoi and cursing. Genesis Rhapsodos one shot.


A/N: Basically, this is a novelisation of the scene that takes place after Genesis is defeated in Modeoheim. It's more than just third person descriptions though - it shows all the thoughts and confusion that is running through the mind of Genesis Rhapsodos as he struggles to keep going. I especially owe a HUGE THANKS to NoBuddy (NoBuddy-Else on deviantART) on FanFiction, who wrote SCARS (can be found on FanFiction) and GENESIS RHAPSODOS - THE RANT (found on deviantART). Those works gave me massive inspiration and gave me so much more to the reasons, motives and characterisation behind Genesis :D

Now go and enjoy! (or feel depressed from the angst…)

**Disclaimer: Anything related to Genesis Rhapsodos, Zack Fair or Final Fantasy VII belongs to Square Enix :3**

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Again.

He felt a primary feather being ripped out of his wing from a quick, precise slash of a sword, a painful sting throbbing down the muscle. He flinched as he deflected another sword stroke with his own crimson blade, feeling his wing flap violently in response to the pain. He drew short, ragged breaths, stumbling over his own feet to try and gain the upper hand in the conflict. Again and again he took to a defensive stance, his heart pounding away in his chest with the adrenaline of battle. _This…I…I'm losing…_

The sound of swords continued to ring through the air as Genesis Rhapsodos pressed on through the battle, feeling his body trembling from fatigue. Zack Fair kept his stance as he squared off against his opponent, beads of sweat trickling down the back of his tanned neck. Through his blurring vision Genesis could barely block any kind of assault from the puppy anymore, losing his footing against the rough grating on the floor. Zack saw his opponent stumbling backwards, watching him collapse to his knees and seeing his rapier flying from his hand and landing with a clang a few metres away. He stood there, watching his foe with a sadness in his eyes, a terrible sense of pity for the winged man before him.

His knees giving way, Genesis felt the rough floor scraping through to his legs as he took in a sharp breath, painfully retracting his wing to his side. All that filled the stagnant air of the abandoned mako facility was silence, barely broken by the shaky breaths of the fallen rogue SOLDIER.

"Dreams, of the morrow…" he began, his voice hoarse, wavering with his gasps for air, "hath the shattered soul…"

_Dreams._

_So many have I had, yet all have amounted to nothing._

_I was never the hero. None of us were._

_Nothing about that war was a heroic deed. Never the deaths of the innocent, never the complete ignorance of a person's freedom or a love of their birthplace, never the disrespect to someone's rights…_

_The sweet sensation of a crispy apple was refused, or never noticed, by him. I felt my dream that day was long lost, but it wasn't his fault. Being raised in such a horrid environment was none of his doing…Will t-this ever stop?_

_Degrading…dying every day, by yourself in isolation and alienation from ever other _human being_ because you are a _monstrous freak _who only deserves a fate like this…_

Zack said nothing, his sword still firm in his hands in case there was a sudden turn of events. He had not yet heard these lines of LOVELESS until now, and even so, he couldn't resist rolling his eyes slightly.

"Pride is lost…" Genesis breathed, gritting his teeth as he extended his wing, forcing the feathers to extend outwards.

_What kind of pride did I ever have? All of this is meaningless, a monster has nothing to be proud of, nothing to speak of, only to fade away unnoticed and ignored…_

"Wings…stripped away," his voice faltered, pain resonating in his nerves as he kept his wing unfurled.

_Just a sign of…failure…that's all I am…a letdown to an idiot's heartless experiment, a one winged freak with incurable deterioration and faults…may this wing be stripped away that I one day might be considered somewhere close to _human…

"The end…is nigh…" Struggling to lift himself up, Genesis tried in vain to put one leg up after the other, feeling his body shudder with exhaustion. His bruised legs gave way from underneath him, collapsing onto the cold, rusty grating that sent a shockwave of agony throughout his entire being. The cold chills of silence were all that followed as his wing gently drifted down beside him, the feathers brushing with flakes of rust that had corroded the fine network of suspended metal bars.

_My…my mother…_

_I remember when I was just a boy, a scruffy kid with a love for the unknown and an impulsive nature for anything…._

_All the times that I would stumble, whether it be in the hallway or in the front yard under the apple tree, she'd always find me, pick me up, and dust me off. She'd scold me for being so careless, but she would then laugh, patting me on the head and telling me to run along._

_And if it wasn't her, it was Gillian…she was like…a second mother to me…_

_But there's nobody here one to offer their hand, pull me up and offer support…I gave that all away long ago now…_

_Do monsters have parents, even? Surely, yes, but _did they ever love their offspring?_ Truly?_

_I doubt my parents ever did…not my real ones in any case…gave me up to some despicable cause that makes me sick to the stomach. I am doomed to take responsibility for the death of my other guardians…forever I should feel guilty, as were it not for me, they wouldn't be swirling in the masses of the lifestream. The men with my face took out all their newfound revenge on all whom should cross their path…even my foster parents…_

With the little strength that he had, Genesis managed to push down on his arms and lift his delicate head up in a feeble attempt to talk back to somebody, anybody. Whether it was the echoes of his own wavering voice or Zack Fair who chose to listen, it didn't matter.

"Such is…" he winced, finding it difficult to keep his head up, "the fate…of a monster."

The flicker of a smirk on Genesis' face was enough to signal the horrible sense of irony that flooded over him, the doomed realisation that this was how he would meet his end.

_Such irony…_

_The hero I was in my head has transformed into a pathetic, fading monster who is doomed to die such a disgraceful…and lonely death… _

_Not by some valiant means…I do not deserve this honour, because of what I am. All my fears of perishing alone from a slow death are transforming into my reality…my world is fading, I, Genesis Rhapsodos am not who I was…_

_Whether it be this day or in years time that I perish, I will be alone, and it __**will**__ be from degradation…_

Zack stared at him, finding it difficult to comprehend that Genesis still had that monster complex running in his head, even at a time like this.

"We're not monsters, you hear me?" Zack replied valiantly, sure within himself that SOLDIER were not the monstrosity that Genesis claimed them to be. "We're SOLDIER! Where's your honour?"

Exasperated, Zack stood his ground as Genesis began to shift again, always keeping a battle stance ready. _I don't want to kill him, I don't want it to come to that…why doesn't he just _listen?

Trembling, Genesis slowly brought his hands forward and pushed upward, taking short, sharp breaths that shook his gasping lungs. With shaking limbs, he tried to bring his legs underneath himself, panting heavily in his position on his knees.

_This…this is just like when…it happened…_

_The night my wing erupted from my shoulder, piercing the stagnant air of the lab and staining my clothes with crimson blood. I-I won't ever forget…the first time I felt so…alone…so _scared_…_

_And look what I have become now. The state I've been brought to because of my stupid decisions from before…that fight was too intense, too self motivated…too, too jealous…if only I had stopped. _

_I destroyed the very thing all three of us held dear…and I found out the terrifying truth of who we really were… _

_I could never say a word…we as friends were already damaged enough from my actions…why can't it ever be the same? _

_Bound tight in friendship, we were like the three musketeers…inseparable. People looked up to us. We were respected. Loved. As _people.

_And even if nobody but us knew each other for who we really were, we were still appreciated. I can never forget the time when we stole ourselves away in the training room with a stash of Banora whites… never before had I wasted so many apples yet had so much…fun._

_When was the last time I enjoyed myself with anything?_

_LOVELESS. How different would life be if my mother hadn't left it discarded in the study? Would I be still be 'Genesis'? That's what people knew me for the most. Whether it drove them mad or they waved it off, the ancient poem holds such a fascination for me and a day never went by where I wasn't reading it. The way these events have unfolded since then have been an uncanny retelling of that ancient epic…_

_Since I had sensed when I noted the three of us and the heroes of LOVELESS may have been connected, the link became stronger, and my beliefs intensified to the point I _knew_ it was about us…_

_I've tried to speak it out, but only the workings of my mind were able to see…not another soul could understand…do I keep trying?_

_Trying to say how the happenings of this play are connected to the events of now? _

Blinking back the hot sting of tears of pain, Genesis heaved himself upwards, his lifeless wing threatening to drag him back down. The feathers were ragged and torn, his muscles ached and pleaded not to be used, but the winged SOLDIER had little choice. His breaths shuddered inside of him as he finally managed to keep both feet relatively stable on the ground. Genesis lifted his head upwards, eyeing Zack with pain clearly showing on his face.

_If I stay…like this, here and now…I'll rot…decay…and die. _

_I have no choice…I must keep running away… _

…_run to where? _

_Anywhere. I've got to stay alive…I need to see where LOVELESS takes me…no, not just myself, everybody…_

_Perhaps I can change this…if I can change the fate that LOVELESS has bestowed upon me…will I live?_

_Will degrading not be the cause of my death? _

_This is something I need to see. I have no choice but to go on… Sephiroth…Angeal…I am, truly sorry…for what actions I have done and what I must do._

"Even if the morrow…is barren of promises," Genesis gasped, forcing his tongue to form the words as he stumbled backwards, struggling to keep a footing on the metal grate. His breathing was shallow and his moans could be heard as he staggered back, his muscles aching from the straining movements.

_Even if it is only the puppy that hears me, word will reach the ears of whoever may listen, whether it be Sephiroth, or Angeal…that is, if my friend even still lives…I tore you apart…b-buddy…_

"Nothing shall forestall…" the SOLDIER kept his blurring gaze ahead through pale eyes that threatened to shed tears, seeing Zack standing his ground and watching him in some sense of sadness. Genesis let out a faint groan, taking a sharp breath to keep his lungs moving. "…my return."

_I will…yet again walk upon Gaia in my monstrous form…whatever lies ahead my insanity will probably embrace, considering what parts of myself I have left…_

_Degrading not only eats away at your physical body, but also at your mental state. Your emotions are unbalanced, your ways of thinking are irrational and unpredictable…you lose yourself._

_As I have lost myself in this mess of a life I'm living. Rare are the moments I have reflecting on what I can remember doing…this guilt is unbearable yet I am unable to stop what I do…my desperate will to live and Jenova's echoing, faint influence will forever consume my mind…this could be the last time I ever remember my true self…_

Genesis continued his uneven steps, slipping over his own feet as he tried to step backwards. He winced with every move, feeling his lungs heaving and his heart fluttering irregularly in his chest, struggling to keep the blood moving. The sound of his own shaky feet on the floor's rusting metal grating echoed through his ears between his own struggling breaths, his voice faintly resounding through his groans.

_I-I…it hurts…so much…why is this happening to me?_

_Such a child like question…with such an answer that may equate to the same level…_

Gasping for air, Genesis struggled to look forward, only to see that his adversary had remained. Zack Fair hadn't budged an inch, the young SOLDIER had been fearing the worst - Genesis, he was going to kill himself, wasn't he?

Much to his discomfort, Genesis gathered his wing muscles together and slowly, painfully brought tension into his wing and lifted it off the ground. The once silky feathers were matted with dirt and rust, turning grey from the bases and down the shafts.

"If this world…" Genesis breathed, his voice catching on the edges of distress, "…seeks my destruction…"

_Do I really deserve this? Was it my fault? Why should I suffer while the world watches, and does _nothing?

_A punishment? Why should I be the only one to put up with this?_

With difficulty, Genesis sent a small flap through his single wing in hopes of taking into the air, feeling his feet depart from the ground. With each and every movement of his flight muscles, Genesis winced, feeling aches pulsing through his wing. In a few painful beats of his feathered limb, the SOLDIER felt his feet connect with the frail railing that bordered the edge of the platform.

_So many questions…answers are no more…I-I just don't know what I should be doing…Escape…that's all I can do…keep running, keep fighting this despicable world and the fate that it has forced upon me. I have already broken the wavering ties between myself and my only friends…the ones who listened…they never understood…and nobody ever will._

_I have nothing in this barren world to lose anymore for I have lost my _life_…_

_If I am to die in this manner, the world will take it's punishment from _me…

Raising his pale face, the eyes of Genesis Rhapsodos met Zack Fair a final time, a look of sadness, anger, confusion and pain all piercing through such pallid eyes that once bore the intensity of a vivid shade of aquamarine.

"…it goes with me," the SOLDIER said bitterly, losing all hold on his senses as he leaned backwards into the darkened abyss of the abandoned mako facility. Genesis closed his eyes, too resentful and full of a cynical feeling of jealousy to watch as the puppy slammed into the railing to watch his disgraceful fall. Even hundreds of feet below with the wind whistling through his downtrodden wing, past his ears and billowing about his face, Genesis Rhapsodos still picked up the faintest sound from somewhere far higher.

Zack stared on in shock at his adversary, seeing the winged SOLDIER supposedly _commit suicide_ right before his vibrant mako eyes. A bitter regret and sympathy was all Zack could feel as he stared down into the chasm that had allowed Genesis to take his own life, causing the puppy to bite his own lip.

"Genesis." He mumbled sadly, watching with despondent eyes the void of space that echoed below him with his voice.

There.

That puppy had just said his name.

Not out of anger, resentment or ignorance.

Out of _sympathy…sadness_, understanding, almost.

The SOLDIER wondered…how long was an eternal abyss stretching down into the bowels of planet?

Genesis shook his head. It didn't matter. Maybe someone, anyone could actually find a way.

A way to save him…

…from himself.

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A/N: Oh my. As I said before, this was pretty angsty and I can imagine that Gen sure went through a lot of pain after that fight - you can tell through his facial expressions, the way he breaths so heavily and the way he shakes and trembles when he tries to extend his wing or get up from the ground. It actually really annoys me when people think he was _acting_. I mean, come on. He was _degrading_. Gen was sick. And that fight probably really took it out of him. D: Not to mention the mental pain he went through…

Anyway. I'll cut my rants here. I could go on for ages. -sweatdrop-

Hope you found it a good read!

- Lioneh the cheetion


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